When Can a Child Refuse to See a Parent? Legal Guide

When Can a Child Refuse to See a Parent? For divorced or separated parents, parenting arrangements can be among the most challenging parts of moving on. But one issue can be particularly confusing, painful, and legally complex: What happens when a child no longer wants to see one of their parents?

You may be wondering whether your child’s voice counts, what age their preferences matter in court, or whether you’re allowed to honor their wishes without breaking the law.

The truth is, the law does not give children full control over custody arrangements, at least, not outright. But it does take their voice into account in certain situations. The tricky part is knowing when that voice carries legal weight.

The Legal Landscape: Parenting Orders and Obligations

In Australia and in many countries with similar legal systems, parenting orders made by a court are binding, meaning both parents must comply with the time-sharing or visitation arrangements set out in the order.

If your child refuses to see their other parent, you cannot simply allow it without risking being in breach of the order. Courts expect parents to take reasonable steps to encourage and facilitate the relationship, even when children resist.

However, there are exceptions. And those exceptions often hinge on two critical factors:

1. The child’s age and maturity

2. The reason for the refusal

Let’s explore these further.

Is There a Legal Age When a Child Can Refuse Contact?

There is a common myth that once a child reaches a certain age, usually 12 or 14, they can simply decide where they live or who they see.

This is not accurate.

In Australia, there is no specific age at which a child can unilaterally decide to stop seeing a parent. The same applies in the UK, Canada, and most U.S. states. Instead, courts use a best interests of the child standard, meaning they consider a variety of factors to determine what outcome will most benefit the child’s wellbeing.

That said, older children do have a louder voice in court, especially if they are mature, thoughtful, and consistent in their reasoning.

In practice:

• Children under 10 may have their wishes considered but are unlikely to influence court decisions without other strong evidence (e.g., abuse).

• Children 10–13 are considered with caution. Courts want to ensure their views are not influenced by pressure from one parent.

• Teenagers (14 and up) tend to have a stronger say, especially if their refusal has been consistent, rational, and clearly expressed.

The older and more mature the child, the more weight the court gives their preferences. However, even a teenager cannot make the final decision alone unless the court agrees the refusal is in their best interest.

Why Might a Child Refuse Contact With a Parent?

A child’s resistance to seeing a parent is rarely random. It is usually rooted in emotional experiences, perceived safety, or loyalty conflicts.

Some common causes include:

• Fear or trauma (due to past abuse, violence, or emotional neglect)

• Exposure to conflict or arguments during handovers

• A strained relationship due to absence, betrayal, or broken trust

• Feeling torn or manipulated by one parent

• A desire to stay in a stable routine, especially during school

• Attachment to their primary home or parent

• Teenage independence or peer/social preferences

In serious situations, especially when safety is involved, the child’s refusal may be well-founded and even life-protecting. In other situations, though, children may simply need support processing change, managing divided loyalty, or overcoming temporary emotional strain.

How the Courts Handle Refusal

If a child refuses to see a parent, courts do not immediately change the parenting order. However, they may:

• Appoint an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to investigate the child’s views and circumstances

• Order a family report or psychological assessment

• Hold a hearing to determine whether a change to the order is appropriate

• Modify the arrangement to better align with the child’s best interests

Courts may allow a child’s refusal to guide their decision only if the child’s voice is backed by valid concerns, emotional maturity, and supporting evidence. If manipulation, alienation, or parental interference is suspected, the court may order counseling, reunification programs, or even a shift in custody.

What Happens If a Parent Allows Refusal Without Court Approval?

Let’s say your child refuses to attend a scheduled visit and you let them stay home.

Even if the child is upset, tearful, or resistant, courts may see your decision as a failure to comply with parenting orders, especially if it happens repeatedly without legal action to resolve the issue.

The consequences may include:

• Warnings or compliance orders

• Financial penalties

• Change of custody or parenting time

• Accusations of parental alienation

That’s why legal advice is crucial early on. It’s not enough to have good intentions, you need proper process.

What Can Parents Do When a Child Resists Contact?

Here are some practical steps for navigating this situation safely and legally:

1. Encourage Contact

Gently explain to your child that it’s important to spend time with both parents. Avoid blaming or judging the other parent in front of the child.

2. Document Everything

Keep a record of dates, conversations, and behaviors. If your child refuses, note what they said and what steps you took to support the parenting plan.

3. Avoid Interfering

Do not coach, coerce, or reward refusal. Even small actions can be perceived as alienating behavior in court.

4. Seek Mediation

Family dispute resolution services can help parents address the underlying conflict before things escalate.

5. Apply for a Variation

If the situation continues, apply to the court to vary the parenting orders. This is especially important if refusal becomes frequent or emotionally distressing for the child.

Balancing Law, Love, and Listening

When a child refuses to see a parent, it’s rarely simple and it’s never easy.

As a parent, your role is to support your child’s emotional wellbeing while also respecting the law. Courts don’t expect you to force a screaming child into a car, but they do expect you to take active, reasonable steps to encourage a meaningful relationship with both parents.

Every child deserves to feel safe, heard, and loved by both parents and that starts with empathy, not punishment.

If you’re facing this situation, you’re not alone. Seek professional advice, legal guidance, and emotional support for you and your child.