When Can a Child Refuse to See a Parent? Legal Guide

Your 14-year-old locks herself in her room when it’s time to go to her dad’s place. Your son bursts into tears every second weekend when the handover approaches. These moments are heartbreaking for any parent — and they’re more common than you might think.

So, when can a child refuse to see a parent in Australia? The short answer: it’s complicated. The law doesn’t give children an on/off switch for parenting arrangements, but their voice does matter, especially as they get older.

Key Takeaways

• Children under 18 can’t legally refuse to see a parent on their own
• Courts consider a child’s views, particularly from age 12 onwards, but the child’s wishes are just one factor
• Parenting orders are legally binding — both parents must make reasonable efforts to comply
• Safety concerns always take priority over maintaining contact
• Persistent refusal requires legal action, not just letting the child stay home

There’s No Magic Age

Here’s what many parents assume: once a child hits 12 or 14, they can decide for themselves.

That’s not how it works in Australia.

The Family Law Act 1975 doesn’t specify an age when a child can refuse to see a parent. Instead, the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia make decisions based on what’s in the child’s best interests — a legal principle that considers dozens of factors, not just the child’s preference.

However, age does influence how much weight the court gives to a child’s views:

• Children under 10: Wishes are noted but rarely influence court decisions unless serious safety issues exist.
• Ages 10-13: Courts listen but carefully assess whether the child’s views are their own or influenced by a parent.
• Teenagers 14+: Their opinions carry more weight, especially if they’re consistent, well-reasoned, and clearly expressed. 

The court always asks: Is this refusal coming from the child’s genuine feelings, or is something else at play?

What the Law Actually Says

Section 60CC of the Family Law Act 1975 sets out how courts determine a child’s best interests. When a child refuses to see a parent, judges must consider:

• What arrangements promote the child’s safety (from abuse, neglect, family violence, or other harm)
• Any views expressed by the child and their maturity level
• The benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both parents, where it’s safe to do so
• Each parent’s capacity to meet the child’s developmental, psychological, and emotional needs
• The child’s relationship with parents, siblings, and other significant people
• Any history of family violence

Safety always comes first. If there are genuine concerns about abuse, violence, or neglect, the child’s refusal may be entirely justified, and protecting them becomes the priority.

But in cases where safety isn’t an issue, courts still expect both parents to actively encourage and support the child’s relationship with the other parent.

Why Children Resist Seeing a Parent

Children don’t refuse contact randomly. There’s always a reason, even if they struggle to articulate it. Common causes include:

• Conflict and loyalty: The child feels caught in the middle, fearing they may upset the primary parent.
• Fear or past trauma: Previous experiences with violence, harsh discipline, or emotional neglect create genuine anxiety.
• Disrupted routines: The back-and-forth between homes interferes with school, friendships, or activities they care about.
• New family dynamics: A parent’s new partner, stepchildren, or baby makes visits uncomfortable.
• Strained relationships: The relationship broke down due to absence, betrayal, or a lack of effort from the parent.
• Teenage independence: Older children want control over their time and resist imposed schedules.
• Developmental changes: Adolescents naturally distance themselves from parents as part of growing up.

In some situations, the refusal is protective. In others, it’s developmental or situational. Understanding the “why” helps determine the right response.

What Happens If You Allow the Refusal

Let’s say your child refuses to go, and you let them stay home. They’re upset, you don’t want to force them, and it seems cruel to make them go when they’re this distressed.

However, the problem lies in the fact that parenting orders issued by the court are legally binding.

If your child repeatedly refuses contact and you don’t take reasonable steps to encourage and facilitate the visits, you could be found in breach of the order—even if the refusal wasn’t your fault.

The other parent could take you back to court for:

• Failing to comply with parenting orders
• Withholding access or undermining their relationship with the child
• Parental alienation (if there’s evidence you’ve influenced the child’s views)

Courts can order:

• Warnings or compliance orders
• Changes to parenting arrangements (including shifting primary care to the other parent)
• Family therapy or reunification programmes
• Financial penalties
• In serious cases, contempt findings

You’re not expected to physically drag a screaming teenager into a car. But you are expected to document your efforts, communicate with the other parent, and seek legal solutions if the problem continues.

What Parents Should Do

If your child is refusing contact, here’s how to handle it properly:

1. Encourage the Visit

Discuss with your child the importance of spending time with both parents. Avoid blaming or criticising the other parent, even if you’re frustrated with them.

Ask open-ended questions: “What’s making you uncomfortable about going?” “Has something changed?” “What would help you feel better about the visits?”

2. Document Everything

Keep detailed records:

• Dates and times of refused visits
• What the child said (use their exact words where possible)
• What you did to encourage the visit
• How you communicated with the other parent
• Any responses or lack of cooperation from them

This documentation is critical if the matter goes back to court.

3. Communicate With the Other Parent

Let them know immediately when a refusal happens. Use written communication (email or text) so there’s a record.

Don’t blame or accuse. Stick to facts: “Sam refused to come today. I tried to encourage the visit, but he was very distressed. I think we need to talk about what’s happening.”

If the other parent is reasonable, work together to understand and address the issue.

4. Never Coach or Reward Refusal

Don’t say things like:

• “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to”
• “I don’t like sending you there either”
• “We’ll do something fun instead”

This can be seen as parental alienation — deliberately undermining the child’s relationship with the other parent.

5. Consider Family Therapy

If refusal is becoming a pattern, professional support can help. A family therapist experienced with separation issues can work with your child to process their feelings and, where appropriate, help repair the relationship.

6. Seek Mediation

In Australia, you’re generally required to attend family dispute resolution before going to court. A mediator can help both parents address the underlying issues and find solutions that work for everyone.

7. Apply to Vary the Parenting Orders

If the situation isn’t improving, you need to apply to the court to change the orders. This is especially important if:

• The refusal is frequent and ongoing
• Your child is becoming distressed by the arrangement
• There are legitimate safety or well-being concerns
• The current arrangement clearly isn’t working

Don’t just stop complying with orders without court approval—this will backfire.

When Safety Is the Issue

If your child refuses contact because of abuse, violence, or serious neglect, this is different.

Document what they’ve told you and any signs you’ve observed (changes in behaviour, injuries, fear responses, regression). Don’t coach them or ask leading questions, just listen and record.

Seek legal advice immediately. A family lawyer can help you apply for urgent intervention, including:

• Interim parenting orders suspending or supervising contact
• Protection orders if family violence is involved
• Independent assessment of the child’s safety

Safety always overrides the principle of maintaining relationships with both parents.

It’s About Balance

Australian family law tries to balance two important principles: children benefit from relationships with both parents, but only when it’s safe.

When a child refuses to see a parent, courts won’t immediately change everything. But they will investigate why.

The key is showing you’ve done everything reasonable to support the relationship — unless there are genuine safety concerns, in which case protecting your child comes first.

Children don’t get to unilaterally decide to cut off a parent. But their voice matters, particularly as they mature. Courts listen to children, consider their reasons, and make decisions that prioritise their wellbeing and safety above all else.

Get Expert Support

Navigating child refusal situations requires careful legal guidance. Acting too quickly, or not quickly enough, can have serious consequences for your family.

If your child is refusing contact with their other parent (or if you’ve been denied time with your child), our experienced family lawyers in Townsville can help you understand your rights and obligations.

Our child custody lawyers understand how emotional and stressful these situations are for everyone involved. We provide clear, practical advice to help you move forward.